May 26, 2012:What I owe to you MOC
Purpose: We've already let go. So this is the best time to wipe it all. ♥
Dear diary,, Fri-dayy *25o512*.
Man.. it's been a while since I wrote real things.
I don't know how to explain the above.
Okay so there's this guy. He was in my semester 1 class. Pri sch friend too! Cool or what?
They all know things weren't that peachy. In fact that's an understatement.
So he's this awesome dude. Sweet even. But I really gotta lay the cards on the table.
We're a funny 'me & you'. We are both as impossible.
Always walking the long way. & the reason why I did that was because secretly..
I hoped you didn't notice. Hek! Too late. They did. Aiyo.. immature Vee.
You're different. & the things you think of; I only realize when it blows over.
If you think about it holistically.. it was impossible from the start. We barely talked.
Our friendship was short lived; I did nothing for you;
& you were basically the start for my being suicidal (Batshitcrazy-assed I know).
My fault actually. You're just the goal I chased for that ended me up in a bad place.
I've learnt that it was my fault totally. *Nods*
After feeling so fugged I walked & I kept walking & never was there a day I walked toward you.
I'm sorry for that. & it's an old habit. I guess that's why we never started. We just don't click.
Things like 'talk to me' & 'give me a chance'; don't you think that's a little too unfair?
But nope. I only realize things when they are way too late.
& on the off chance that I've hurt you..
Whether it's super bad; or I'm just kiddin' myself & you never really cared..
*bows* hopefully I grew enough to apologize to you without sounding like a joke.
Sure.. there are times when you say things that make me think to myself;
"Fuck Vee! You should've stayed longer.. tried harder. There could've been- What if-"
But you know babe. You know. I know you know it was truly.. never going to happen.
Freshman year to Final year.
My how time flies.. & fuck it took us this long to like chill & go with the flow.
Still a teeny bit hard to talk but that- I don't know how to solve that.
I mean I'm always the one who says hi to you in the corridors & get things right.
But I wonder if that can't be helped either. Maybe in 5 yrs or so.. if we see each other outside.
Wishing you happy birthday for 2012 finally made me feel at ease.
'Am I really letting go? After all this time? After these shit-assed things? '
Especially when you say things. The things you say drive me crazy with regret.
But I'm an idiot. I'm sorry for it to be you. But thanks for being you.
It has to be you for me to learn.
It has to be E24A.
Things like midnight thoughts & our inability to let go.
Talking like as if our worlds are gonna end.
Too far-fetched. Too far-fetched..
Look around. Where we are now.. we seem to be okay.
Bloody hell don't want to post this right now. -.- Still the kid who loves to hold on to things.
But you know what's funny?
We've probably let loose a long time ago.
We've let go a long time ago.
We gave up a long time ago.
We know the lack of possibility but what kept us going was fear of regret;
& the fun of the lingering presence of someone who loves you dearly.
The hurt of watching from afar that in some twisted way gives you hope.
The inward hoping for the one day we could be as close as the words we type.
Oh but yeah. Why're you such a sweetheart son of a fish sometimes?? Gahh. =)
Just so you know.. all my actions had reasons.
Trying to turn you invisible; hanging with other people. Keeping messages for you short.
Desperately trying to feel the reality of it all coming to an end.
Wanting you to walk away on your own. You did. =) Took you long enough.
To do what I could never have done.
But that's my number 1 reason why I like you; a lot. Because it took you long enough.
SyidahAinVeeJr.; 2:04 AM
May 10, 2012:Another day in my life..
Life is a constant struggle; a race.. ♥
Dear diary,, Thur-dayy *1oo512*.
It's another awesome day in Oak3 films.. =)
Currently in the conference room because the main office is filled with too much mumbling.
I need to finish my transcript & if they keep doing that; I can't type.
But of course, if you can't avoid it.. walk around it. So the conference room is quiet enough. ^^
Jason Lai made mint tea this time. He asked me to try it. The last time it was..
Chrysanthemums? But he loves tea. He's all about experimenting teas.
However, I can't help but wonder..
Where have I seen him before?
I know I've met him somewhere. I just don't know where exactly..
humphumphh..
Anyways.. takin' a half day off tomorrow to go to sch & get my laptop fixed.
Got a month of shoots lined up. Hopefully we can get Gila Sukan as soon as possible.
Here's to planning the rest of the shoots & squeezing everyone in.
I still can't get to the shooting people. =/
Sunday huh..
Hmm..
Ice skating at Jcube with my primary school friend Shirley!
Also gonna hunt down presents for Mothers' day..
To ma awesahhmm fwenzz out there..
Chill yo~
If life kick you in the butt & you fall flat on your face;
You can always jump back up & conquer life over & over again.
Weeeeeeeeeesssuu!!~
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be."
-Yogi Berra. (Pro Baseball Player)
SyidahAinVeeJr.; 10:53 AM
♫|Nostalgia|
|Melancholy|♪
