________ + Artificial Fairytale + ________

Sep 30, 2010:

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Thur-dayy*3oo91o* .

SecernSeptember.

Thursday

woke up lying on baby jr.'s bed
overhearing a conversation.
helped her finish her templates while she slept till o4oohrs.
then exhausted, i turned in too..

didn't mean to eavesdrop.

but their voices got into the room.
poor girl..
i don't think her mum will let go of her anytime soon.
so restricted.. exhausted..
the world of solitary confinement inside herself.
her blank soul-less eyes revealed itself too clearly.
reminding me too much of myself, it's scary.
& me.. a world too loose. too free..
so transparent that i'm suffocating with lack of air.
i need people to actually pull my hand.
at least i'd be able to see my self-worth.

Anyway..

yesterday was a sort of reinforcement as to why
i don't take up pure arts as a module.
i could never do the best of my capabilities
something i was forced to.

datelines, due dates..
"don't stop running, keep going."
"be sure to do this, don't ever do that."
"you can do better than that, at least hit the limit."
80%. you have to get at least 80%.
if you understand it's easy to get even a perfect score.
well..
well well..
the fine line between genius and insanity.

i may not be Ms prodigal genius..
but insanity is someone i know very well.
you can say a bestfriend?
maybe even closer than that.
doppelgänger

will you run away with me for a day?
just a day..
we'll be 2 idiots doing everything that makes us happy.
no matter what the cost, we will never regret.

come with me before you see her..
| the alter ego | the double walker |
even worse.. before i see her myself.
for then you won't be able to see me anymore.

LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life's autumn past.. i stand on winter's verge.

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 4:44 PM

Sep 29, 2010:

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Wed-dayy*29o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

Wednesday

currently next block.
at bLs Zana baby jr.'s house.
i'm helping her out with her art coursework.
haha! i remember my 1st 2 years.

all i prepared for my exam was a mindmap.
& even so, i did it last minute during assembly.
during the exam, i just painted a scenery.

funny how i passed.
weird how i never failed art. LoL.

anyway.. her theme is tempo
but she's leaning more to melody.
so i suggested she add clockworks & a metronome.

now she's sitting at her comp sketching a grandfather clock.
& i just finished eating. x3

*sigh*

there are things i really want to say..
but i'll practice self-restraint.
so don't make me waver.

♥LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life.is.fucked.up.

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 10:18 PM

:

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Tue-dayy*28o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

TypeTypeTypeTypeTuesday

asaaal luhh pening nie..?
fcuk you headache. go away.
you're making me spew vulgarities again.
thankyou.

takmo laaaahh camnie oi.
i need to finish my freakin' work.
@#$%^&*

oh. & to the idiot who sent me that idiotic text.
thank you.
haha. arse. you & your funny txts.

sorry. busy.
couldn't reply.
huhuhu!~
see you at your open house! x3

don't look at me..
it could be the worst mistake you'll ever make.

♥LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life and its shortcomings

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 2:22 AM

Sep 27, 2010:i missed.

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Mon-dayy*27o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

MagicMonday

otw BktPanjang
to my sec sch to meet an old ♥bestfriend.

ytd at work..
supposedly the last day but im not sure if
they'll continue the promotions through october.
we started very motivated.. setting our goals for 8 per hr.
but the last few hrs was very demoralising.
there was a lack of people to target.

why????

Zaini came down to my workplace.
helped me out with a survey & ate icecream at Lot1.
then he went home by 172.

sadded my cuz didn't come to my hse ytd. =(
*sigh*
ahh well..

--------------------------

okay reviews for today..
had loadz of fun. x3
met the crazy people in front of what used to be
a regular minimart..

but when the owner aunty heard rumours of our
sec school closing [which it almost did]
& she sold the minimart & a 7eleven store came up.
she used to be her own boss but now
she's working FOR them. =(

♥.i missed her. =)
i miss the days i spent buying extra-choc waffles after sch

wind was blowing super strong today.
hair flying all over.
sat at a sheltered hub near the sch gates.

helped Nura find the chords for her song..

recorded some audio/video(s).

after that went to McD to eat.

saw ♥SharBear|Sharil|!

he was working. missed him.. =(

after bpp[bukit panjang plaza] we went back to school

coz Hakeem asked Nura for a favor to

help pay for his 'O' level fees.
|awkward seeing my ex again.|
so there we went walking in the rain again.

saw the malay security guard that

had been working there since my 1st yr. =)

drenched, Nura entered the General Office while

i had a glance of what i've been missing.

Nostalgic. very.

after that we headed for Nura's house. x3

talked about a couple of things..

one of them was my never-fading dream of opening a cafe.

Nura:
"i think you'll get it..
psl slame nie sume yg kaw aim for kaw dpt pe.."

i wish dear.. i wish.

what hurts me..

is that when i told her about some people..

she said stuff like..

|not exact words. just some in hazed memory.|

i'm saying this as your best friend

i think you could have been something with him.

he's so sweet sia..

oh my god. i think he really loves you.

you should have not cared about other people.

just go for it. he's in your school right?

okay this fucking hurts.
& now..
i have to help summarise early childhood newspaper articles
for mummy as her assignment.
dateline by 29o91o.
=_=|| zzz
so tired.

oh tidak.

♥LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life and its shortcomings, Life is like a rollercoaster road

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 12:47 PM

Sep 26, 2010:so much in just a little while.

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Sat-dayy*24o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

SequencedSaturday

woke up at dawn.
dang the MRT was slow again.

time: 113o-2ooohrs
location: Novena, istudio
ughh. despitethe painfully slow journey there

& the fact that i was on the bridge of being late
without time for breakfast
& that there was a lack of manpower today..
i'm glad we reached our target today. x3

time: 2ooo-22oohrs
location: Tampines, HariRayaDinner
well..

went straight to the venue once i was let off from work.
so i was feeling out of place coz i'm wearing casual.
everyone else of course was wearing baju kurung
& stuff.

time: 22oo-23oohrs
location: Tampines, Starbucks
my Zana baby junior got

green tea latte & chocolate old fashioned.
i got the chocolate chip cream & grazed old fashioned.
hung out for a bit.. those crazy people.
embarassingly adorable.
fancy meeting Nashh|dftd| at TampinesInterchange.

time: 23oo-oooohrs
location: MRTcabin, then TanjongPagar
since we boarded at Tamp
there wasn't a lot of passengers to start with..

so some people were free to act like monkeys
& take completely uncivilised pictures.
haha! embarassing! ohhmyGOD. =_=||
hahahahaha!!
but i had a good laughh.. x3

sharing songs, singing & taking loads of pictures

once at TanjongPagar while waiting for our ride. x3

beggin'.. beggin youuu~

put your loving hand out baby~

beggin'.. beggin youuu~

put your loving hand out darling~

time: oooo-o145hrs
location: Eunos, Makam
was reminded once again about my family's rich history.

my aunt showed her old house near the makam..
loadz of cats there..
if the place was kept better it'd have been beautiful.

aunty told us that story again..
something about being possessed
because of doing something wrong to an animal.

want to know?
come find me & i'll tell you the story. x3

LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life is like a rollercoaster road

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 2:46 AM

Sep 24, 2010:don't be enchanted. be the enchantment..

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Fri-dayy*24o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

FrazzledFriday

o726hrs:
did the laundry..

morning breeze giving this stale atmosphere..
how can something so refreshing be so stale?

& i thought to myself..
as the sweet fragrance of fabric softener filled the air..
this is how it ought to be..
as time goes by..
you would gradually see less & less of me.
& sooner or later..
i will cease to exist.

no longer in any of the pages of the book.
the atmosphere will be so unbelievable
that all the memories you have of me
will seem like a fairytale..
my artificial farytale.

just like magic..
like being spell bound
sitting across compulsion.
but yet the exact opposite that it's almost equivalent.

like a reflection in the mirror.

beyond the looking glass..

& the limelight on the empty stage.
& what's left but hallow man..
a feminine tux with no occupant.
an outfit on display with no mannequin.
& no spine to hold it up.

| the amazement | the enchanment |

to which withholds the audience..

nothing but dangling jaws of curiousity..

all they could do was stand..

a clap or two.

not long after...

a standing ovation.

nothing but a distant memory of what had been..

| the LadyMannequin. |

her mask..

filled with magic.

realizing her full potential..

to the disappearing act.

truly a marvelous performance..

once displayed never to be encored again.

no bows.. no curtseys..

funny how a spellbinder gets respected for not showing respect.

well..?

upon reading these words..

should the colour of your world..

of your dimension with her resistance be

gradually seeping away..

then somewhere out there..

to her magic box stowed away..

by the corner backstage..

will she, who disappeared..

feel contented & satisfied.

for she has had experienced nothing less..

but the satisfaction of success.

& a splendid knowing..

that she pulled the strings on the performance.

the ribbons to the closing velvety burgundy red curtains..

'We do not need magic to transform our world.

We carry all of the power we need inside ourselves already.'

It is important to remember that we all have magic inside us.
'It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.'

-J. K. Rowling

♥LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life's autumn past.. i stand on winter's verge.

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 8:28 AM

Sep 23, 2010:

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Thur-dayy*23o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

TauntingThursday

why the heck

is everything
going wrong again..?

at tampines right now..
always.. when i had problems..
i'd always run to tampines..
guess i didn't change as much as i thought.

gonna have another long bus ride home again..
not enough time to think.
i'm gonna need to take my time..
i think i'll go have some cake at McD.
will leave there at midnight..

o413hrs. technically friday..
hey you okay..?
would ask you personally but there are some
boundaries of which i can not cross.

♥LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life and its shortcomings, Life is like a rollercoaster road

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 2:31 PM

:

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Wed-dayy*22o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

Wednesday

read a friend's status on Fb.

didn't know he was similar to me.
well.. sort of similar.

the desire to cut ties with everyone & start afresh..

live a new life..

a lot of peace, tranquil & happiness..?

but i guess the difference lie in one thing..

his wish is too plain.

i want to travel..

meet new people..
go new places..
taste new weathers..
learn new cultures..

really..

how happy would i be if that were to come true..

i'm scared things might happen to me in a foreign land..

& i'm also scared that things would change too much back home.

scared if i leave some people behind..

they won't be there when i come back.

or i guess i'm just scared they'd leave me behind.

but more over.. i'm scared of staying too stagnant.

doing the same things..

hanging out & painting plastic smiles with the same crowds..

always having to try & do the thing that to them is "right"..

even worse is putting in one's best efforts

but still losing out in the end.

i just keep sacrificing too much for things that are

"worthwhile" for too little a short time.

& i know i can't help but keep doing that

to be polite.

but the problem doesn't lie in that..

instead.. i'm scared that if this goes on..

i'll learn to hate too many people.

no one likes to hate..

it's not exactly the best hobby

& it takes up a lot of time

& consumes a lot of energy..

it's just exhausting honestly.

LiL♂Miss[V]exatious

Labels: Life is like a rollercoaster road

SyidahAinVeeJr.; 12:09 AM

Sep 21, 2010:Dizzy.

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Tue-dayy*21o91o* .

SecernSeptember.

ToddlingTuesday

Location: ♥KidzAmaze
SAFRA, Jurong.

i loved today's atmosphere.

like i woke up pure without a trouble in the world.
funny what kids can do without knowing..

making people smile..

also.. i love the combination of today's fragrance.

Cakes.. Fruit tarts.. sweets.. colourful plastic & sponge balls..

HUGE annoying giddy make-me-want-to-buek giant slides..

anyway..
today i felt more like a kid again..
i didn't know that the teachers have to go in the machine too..
you know.. those kid mazes where
you can climb up & down & is covered with balls
& giant slides & sponge ball canons & bla3.

wish i could show the pictures but
it's in one of the other teacher's DigiCam. =(

the playland was HUGE & a couple stories high..
so there was this kid named Grazer who was afraid of heights..
when i carried her down she wouldn't let go of my neck.
haha.. but she stopped crying & had fun in the end.