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Jun 30, 2010:Hahs. idiot.

♥LaLa Land™ 

Dear diary,, Wed-dayy *3oo61o* .

Among more people but why do i feel more alone?

I'm so retarded.
I'm such an idiot.
Mentallly disabled.
Or too capable that it comes out with billions of stupid questions
that I can't find answers to.
I currently don't give a shit bout anything.
Rj Lj Mj
ReflectionJournal LanJiao MichaelJackson
Hardy Har Har.
snap out of it bitch.
haishh.. intended to go to the piano to vaporise these emotions.
Eff. someone's there..
So roamed around sch while waiting for a friend & ice cream.
But i couldn't hold back the diamonds..
So sat somewhere & just drifted into LaLaLand.
We'll see what'll happen later..
i need distractions..

haha kayys enough of that.
here's what happened after drama..
Syazwan gave me ice cream. yay.
After emma's band prac, i made Vic dance. =DD
LOL. funneh.
Then we DECK!~

Decking~> Did a looong Rj..
Had my friend do my quiz..
Scanned thru Vic's hp.
[found it boring till he said he had a vid of him wearing a skirt.]
*snatched the hp back*
Me: aww.. ur wearing pants inside. =((
Adam: OMG vic whatareyoudoing?! omg NO!
Commented on it but i won't say what.

made a mistake otw home.
now i need to get out of this. LOL. *sobs*
kena bully. =_=||


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SyidahAinVeeJr.; 6:47 PM

Jun 29, 2010:Soon..[+Continuation~]

♥LaLa Land™ 
-this pic reminds me of myself.. undefined..-

Dear diary,, Tue-dayy *29o61o* .
why do i feel so..?
It's going to be July soon..
I guess that's why..
ohh god help me from this..
Suffocating again..

Wake me up when September July ends..

yeah. to my replugios..
this pic will erase any traces of MCR.
so don't comment on anything. yay.
Good news is..
Band practice went well..
Did a bit more improv. & stuff but
the Vocalist is out sick for the week so we can't perfect it.
Bad? i don't want to start..
I don't want to remember.

Any haters reading my blog?
This is one way to cheer yourself up.
aren't you glad?
Just when i thought im out.. Fate pulls me back in.

Loads of mood swings today.. WHY???
One moment i feel so sad, the next pissed &
Then my friends cheered me up which lasted all the way till Decking was over..
Ohh dear.. why..?
That question came back to haunt me once again..
Left me dumbstruck too..
searching for the answer..
"Ehk seriously if you were to date a ReplugSenior who would you date?"
I said "i don't know!" laughed it off & said i'll think about it.
"we don't have much time.."
what the heck does that mean..?
So many thoughts.. roaming around my head..


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SyidahAinVeeJr.; 8:27 PM

:Rach speaks malay. LOL.

♥LaLa Land™ 

Dear diary,, Mon-dayy *28o61o* .
wasn't planning to update my blog till tomorrow coz..
i talk too much.
but today was FREAKIN' FUNNEH!!
wohoo! beads! switched one with Zaini..
Will switch again whenhe comes to Ignite on Fri/Sat. =DD 

Changing my Lappie Password to |Monkey??|
The cramped up room for Vocalists' training..
JA crew lying dead asleep on the ground even with HEADBANGING music..
Zee getting stuck at the same place when memorizing lyrics..
Me Meow-ing~ [B]eatsEncore imitate-ing~
Have this temptation to play the drumset but "Daddy" pres don't allow.. =((
Only for ignite. Haishh..
Running around like crazy~ bla3~

Decking: HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Omg Rache!!~
She was speaking malay~ hahaha!
OMG chicken & drumsticks & holes & heart pains came out!
RandomNeSs Maximum!!~ =DD
Had a good laugh with Liyana, Adam, Danny & the gang.. =DD
Rach who sound like an indonesion maid &
Danny who's so fluent he sounds like MatRep. LOL.
I'm Chi-layu/Malai-nese~
& the BE peopl were also there.. Meow-ing at me. LOL.

Otw MRT: Dilly & his super cool handshakes! LOL-NeSs~
MRT: Rapping, Dancing, Sticking, Crapping, Laughing!~
Everyone was like staring at us. OMTC!~ |oh my turtle cute. =D|

btw.. hows my pic?
credits to Syazwan' DSLR..

The enterprise lesson we had today was related to P O A. =_=||
Haishh.. there's a reason why i DROPPED the darn subject.
in the words of my old innocent-looking dirty-minded friend Chanel..
i debit you, you credit me. <3

I feel a sense of responsibility to smile genuinely nowadays..
uncle HTHT-ed[HeartToHeartTalk] with me on life..
he said everytime he saw me i'd be sick..
i've only realised when he said it..
body's getting weaker.
immune system sucks.
antibiotics only makes it worse.
everytime i get stressed, excited or put under pressure i'd break.
funny how life can be..
he prescribed a remedy..
The only thing that could make or break me..
Smile.. =))


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SyidahAinVeeJr.; 12:41 AM

Jun 25, 2010:Life..

♥LaLa Land™ 

Dear diary,, Fri-dayy *15o61o* .

my word.. emotions. =X

LOVE this song.. goodness..
that's why you should hear it to.
this will do you good. it's sweet for the soul..
it doesn't take a load of crappy long solos to make a cool song.

Love this song..
 Alter bridge - WatchOverYou

ok this is just too cute. x33

 i have no idea where life is heading right now..
but let's make the right choices now.. aye?
Life is Life..
Wondering what i'm gonna do now..
& how to say all that i have to..

But i believe i can do this.



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 4:02 PM

Jun 24, 2010:Pictures!!~ yay.

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Thur-dayy *14o61o* .

EFF this bloody headache!!!!!!!

the pain is seriously irking me. so much.
anyway.. update..
woohoo! some pics uploaded!
from Liyana's iPhone & Andrea's hp.

♥hubby! LOL.

ytd's piano lesson was cancelled. FCUK.
i feel like im not improving at all.
& my band haven't even started doing anything. AT ALL.
gonna prac on Friday but Danny called a meeting.

Haishh.. =_=
Mal is so vexing. It's not that i'm lazy to prac.
it's that my band isn't effing here
& i dunno the song,
dunno the vocalists' pitch.
plus my lack of resources & facilities. haishh.. =(

ok. skip the bull & go to unicorns.
ytd was.. uhm.. yeah.
since lesson was cancelled i had nothing much to do.
borrowed Mad's headphones..

Mad showed me a freakin' funny video.
LOADS of screaming~ =DD

visited the piano after a long time today..
made some new songs.. letting out emotions with keys..
was down in the dumps but it lessened after meeting up with Nisa & Yaya
& talking CRAP.
made a new friend. =))
he & i can really click. Talking about shits. LOL.

didn't plan on decking ytd bt i had to visit coz i 4gt to return Dilly's sunglasses.
bumped into shah & mich otw. =DD

this show that people/aliens will always have their ups&downs.
but we always have our smiles~
& our laughing gas..
appreciate those around you..
& do your best to treasure them.
Coz if you lose them..
the pain you'll feel..


 i LOVE photography!!~ =DD


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SyidahAinVeeJr.; 12:52 PM

Jun 22, 2010:Random updates..

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Tue-dayy *22o61o* .

actually.. i don't really know what to blog.
so ill go rAnDoM.

LOVE the people around me.
goshh if only they knew how much i treasure them.
Started the week with Monday blues..
but it didn't last long..
seriously appreciate them.. =))

Anyway.. physics lesson today.
Not bad!
glad i could keep up~
i'm on a role!! hahaha!

& ahh!! i left my bluffy at home!
was at the bustop when i realised.
wanted so badly to go fetch it but i was running late.
*sobs* =((
who's bluffy?
this lil dude~

bluffy= |black| & fluffy!

& i really shouldn't tweet in class.
i get distracted by the sometimes-too-true or just-plain crap-filled tweets.

& weehoo!~ there're still 2 kinder surprise in my fridge!
something to look forward to when i get back home.
Midnight snack. =DD

&~ &~
uhm.. uhh..
oh yeah! have yet to get my hug from Mamad boy~
but i don't need it as much as i did before..
haha. Loveable dude.

uhm.. goshh..

i hope you people/aliens are all happy & healthy.
don't fake a smile.. do your best to make it true.
this goes out to all of y'all.
the people i care about.
people i know.
people just reading this blog.
seriously.. chillax..

slow down & enjoy life.. =))



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 5:23 PM

Jun 20, 2010:What i want in my frappe..

♥LaLa Land™
Dear diary,, Sat-dayy *19o61o* .

ok. done suffocating.
need to BREATHE.

here's a treat for what's coming up next in my life..

to those whom i love..
& those who i care for..
& whoever who's reading..
we all have problems in life.
so take a deep breath..
 empty your thoughts.. even for a moment.
close your eyes..

the moment you open them..
you won't be there staring at your laptop/computer screen.
you're somewhere.. brighter..
filled with rich royal golden sunlight..
& green fields so vast that it leads to a cliff that's dipped in sapphire oceans.

that's when the aroma lingers & reaches your senses.
you turn around.. & smile.
it's a cafe.
keen to explore & pulled in by the bittersweet fragrance
that overlaps the sound of waves below..

you step through the glass panes that seperates the veranda from the inside..

into a room bathed in warm nostalgic sunlight..
the temperature set just right..
you can feel the sun's warmth melting through your fingertips..
but the aircon breeze keeping you nice & comfortable.

slowly.. light music from keys begin to dance around..

the melodies of hymms bouncing off the white walls.
resounding through your ears..
not long after.. accompanied by strings..
the gentle & playful acoustic that completes the ambience so perfectly.
like having your fingers perfectly enertwined with those you love.

you take a seat just by the window..
your latte served..

take a sip..
& the whole world's busy just disappears into another dimension.
this cafe which leaves you carefree..
regardless of your story.


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SyidahAinVeeJr.; 12:41 AM

Jun 19, 2010:a lot on my shoulders..

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Sat-dayy *19o61o* .

here's to wishing i'd never wake up again..

ohh god. what has happened to my brother.
his brain is like this supermassive blackhole that sucks in all info
& filters it into a void of negativity.

how can a convo that started with tv turn to police & govt. & the anarchy?
i just came out to eat dinner & he..
using his usual gangster-wannabe tone..
accused me in this rude confident way that i changed his channel.
Dude.. i just came out. & im eating.
i was pissed so i just commented that i didn't.
& that this whole situation is nonsensical.
"merepek sey. =_=||"

from then onwards.. he blew up.
bro: "don't act like you're so smart.
i know im stupid & whatever but don't you dare talk to me like that.
you don't have to spew vulgarities bla3."

wow. didn't know nonsense is a vulgarity.
& i didn't mean he was nosense.. though now i think he is.
i meant the SITUATION.
if you think you can't deal then what about me?
i have to deal with more people then you.
you just skip school & go wee!~ everyday.

& worse.. you're just adding to my headache.
This one feels like a supernova.
Like my brain is a star that just exploded.
Keep this up & my mind will become a blackhole like urs.
only more active coz i've just supernova-ed.

Then everyone won't be able to out-talk me.
Coz i talk gibberish & will be so confident of myself.
& they won't have a chance to talk.

it's not that i hate you bro.
it's that i love you a lot but you don't know.
& it's that i can't talk sense to you.
& that you're so unreacheable i feel like my head will burst.
you are just effing frustrating.

& to my sis whom i truly love..
no. im not gving up on our friendship.
i just haven't found the right timing, atmosphere & courage to set things right.
i will i promise.. but 1st i need to break down the wall between us.

yes.. i've realised since the 1st time we've met that it was there.
but i just don't know how to be rid of it.
respect just draws the line between me & you beng friends..

maybe what johnson said is right..
im scared to live.
but at the same time what's keeping me from jumping of the building..
is also fear itself.
& my mind.
the knowledge it contains that jumping will only let hell break loose for me.

to my bestfriend & a true angel..
someone i love still & always will..
i need you now.
but why aren't you here..?
why did you go without me?
why didn't you take me with you?



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 8:59 PM

Jun 18, 2010:put me to sleep.

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Fri-dayy *18o61o* .

here's to wishing i'd never wake up again..

i'm suffocating.
truly i am.
choking out of my own tears..
my head feels so light it's as if realiy has become surreal.
& the reasons so vast i can't begin to explain.

an insomniac streak has begun to hit me again.
everytime i close my eyes i can't shut my mind.
My brain isn't slowing down & it refuses to go to Theta state, let alone Delta.
though if i were given the choice, i'd prefer Delta.
No more nightmares..

i'm beginning to wonder why i even bother.
Even the things that i love the most aren't helping now.
there's no remedy anymore.
i wish i was insane.
genuinely.. where everything's painted rainbows..
& unicorns cover the world as far as eyes can see..

somebody wake me..
if not put me to sleep..



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 2:21 PM

Jun 15, 2010:Knockout pills.

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Tue-dayy *15o61o* .

Doc: do you have any medication you can't take?
Me: blah3
Doc: Wow. You're a very difficult patient.
Me: O.o|| Why
Doc: Coz the ones that you can't take are the most basic medication.
So if enything happens..
Me: LOL. O.o||

ohhkayy.. LOL.

FREAK medication.
This batch is like knockout gas in pill & worse still..
syrup form.

after consuming.. it took a few mins to knock me out dead.
what's worse..

Dad: That medicine isn't supposed to be taken once daily!
Me: Here we go again..
See you guys when i wake up!

p.s. i'm listening..



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 8:06 PM

Jun 14, 2010:a lot on my shoulders..

♥LaLa Land™

Dear diary,, Mon-dayy *14o61o* .

somebody hold me down quick.
i think im going insane!!
so stressed. so sick.
the headache, the temperature, the high.
the atmosphere.
the work.
the pressure.
the you!
ohh god.



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 10:16 PM

Jun 13, 2010:A day at the beach. =))

♥UNpluggedReDiFiNe -Replug™
Dear diary,, Sat-dayy *12o61o* .

been spending LOADs of time with em. =))

continuation of publicity acts around SG!
only.. the locations were more uptown & city-ish. =))
after finishing our work we headed cineleisure.
Gerard's christmas present was freakin' awesome!
if only i had that.
only.. the usual 6-strings. =DD

& had fun eatng at there & talking bout shits.
about the "one" band.
we must take this as a lesson people..
Expect the uNexpected.
The bloody band was COOL!!

too bad hubby wasn't there. LOL.
So Funneh. The topics we talked about.

Sentosa outing..
too much to say.
Took loads of pics.
Spent time with em.. ;))
ate instant noodles & watched "TV".
Nothing fun was on tv.
used the hp remote to change the channel but it won't budge.
hubby needs to buy "cable". HAHA!

too much sun tan. gonna go black-ER. -_-||
haha! FREAK!
wntd to brng my rollerblades bt it ws raining at Cck.
so i changed my mind last min.
bt when i gt there it ws effing HOT. O.o
uhh!! hahs.

the king's game was O.o||
the dares were SERIOUSLY FCUKED UP.
LoL. Got exclusive shots as the paparazzi. HAHA!

LaLaLa. not gonna type what happened the whole day here.
but seriously Loved it. =))



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 1:52 AM

Jun 11, 2010:"Ambassadors" of IGNITE. pshht.

scary. RED chee-na[cina/chnese] ghost in mrt.

♥UNpluggedReDiFiNe -Replug™
Dear diary,, Thur-dayy *1oo61o* .

spreading the news on IGNITE.
Promoting. Publicizing. Running around &..
|SP| students not sporting.
ITE POWER!! so is [N]geeAnn[P]oly!~ =DD
freakin' FUN day!!~
met up at the office early in the morn..
got our contacts & went off to our Destination..
GroundZERO. woohoo!!

J.A. people not bad. FUN!!~ =DD
ubers of CRAPness & Laughter & getting LOST.
Pres can throw away iPhone liao.
No use dehh bahh!~

anways!~ touring around SG. haha!
after our work was done..
we went our separate ways[JA & RepLug]...
& went BUGIS!! woohoo!
met everyone else & hubby who's gone blonde.
[looks better as brownie.]
LOL. jkjk.
Was intro-ed to the 2nd ReplugDeck.
FAB location.
Found what i've ben looking for all this time!!~
the art stand!! freaking cool art shop!
& the music shop.. OMG. WHITE keyboard!! SWEET!!
& there was this FREAKISHLY HUGE AMP. O.o||

seriously like the way this is going..
i WANT. i FOUND. imma GET. soon!!~ =DD
so please don't sell out.. =((



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 12:24 AM

Jun 7, 2010:stop it.

♥LaLa Land™
Dear diary,, Mon-dayy *o7o61o* .

telling a story.
please don't let it be heard by other people.
don't check up on me anymore.
this has nothing to do with whatevers.

poor guy..
i can understand how he feels..
textng & getting no replies.
but he should know we all love him. =))

& the way he heard it wasn't the way we meant it.
feeling left out coz you hold this certain rank.
shouldn't be that way.
seriously we love ya dude. =))

damn im clueless on what to do now..
should i or shouldn't i.
the canvas is bloody big. wonder how to bring it around..

ohh.. btw jz nw..
o6o61o.. woke up late. coz slept late.
when i got on9 we suddenly did some random stuffs.
like tricking MAD into believing tomorrow got sch.
& he did. =))
for a couple of mins..
till he got affirmation. LOL.

suddenly john wante to go out. random & almost evening.
he said.. before the sun goes down.
met him at CityHall McD. =))
eat2. go penin. FCUK.
guitar store close liao. ended up goin other stores.
need to buy the jazz progressive book.
to learn some stuffs.
coz DOTA face said to. <33
LOL. this is fun.

webcam~ snap2~ laugh2~
shorty came. =))
then we all go KFC. coz shorty hungry. =))
After that was esplanade.
& the library with the GRAND PIANO. <33
damn tempting.
then the bridge. then SingaporeFlyer to eat icecream. =))
then the jetty. =))
*owners of jetty not responsible for any accidents[death by drowning]*
LOL. Funneh.[MAD]

HUNGRY.. seriously..

Then came the replug plague. & MassConvos. O.o||

& seriously guys..
it's freedom of speech
even if you keep assuming it's about you.
even something so small as that?
are you serious. -_-
you're becoming like me.
no link.
don't taste the wrong food.



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 3:54 AM

Jun 6, 2010:A way to tell a story.. with no middle & no end. just a lot of crappy beginnings..

♥LaLa Land™
Dear diary,, Sun-dayy *o6o61o* .

trying to tell a story..
maybe that's why im epically failing.
because i tried.
not testing on humour though.
testing on whether my lines would be heard.

This ain't emo.
This is freedom of expression.
i don't go to the skatepark with some
with THICK black eyeliner
black-polished fingernails
& matching black uniforms
crying our eyes out "together-gether".

like i keep saying.. the world is a funny funny place.
with funny funny people.
& funny funny circumstances.
just because one person always does the expected..
doesn't mean the less stand off-ish person won't.
but we stereo-typically put them in that category.
poor souls..
or should i say lucky?
coz they grab the most attention less we don't forget
to Expect the unExpected.

sad girl. mad world.

what is Love but overrated.
words of which is uttered to bloody easily in our generation VXYZ.
& when we genuinely mean it..
what do we say..?
when the Is, Ls & Ys run out.
& no one is as trusting anymore.
crap right? thinking it's some random shit.
that's why OUR people are running out of faith.

Just like how electricity is running out.
how the world's resources is running out.
how good music is almost extinct.
& we're doing our best to keep it alive.

whispers from beyond..
if Love is Surrender..
whose War is it anyway?

good question.
but who is to answer all that is needed to be..?
why are the most important things unheard
to the person who needs to know it most?

our hearts beat at about the same pace..
we look at the same faces..
similarities between 2 mediums so vast..
each other's empty voids could be filled.
humans are masochistic, sadistic & neurotic..
a little too much that we're intoxicated by each others'..
without realising it.

pathettique. |spells pathetic.|
drowning in self pity & never wanting to change.
assuming the unneeded & always waiting for the other party to do it.
so regardless of what is recorded down here on this
"cirque du freak-ish" grounds..
you humans are not gonna change.
if you ask "then why bother to even start?"
"when you're gonna give up halfway"
it's cause i'm a fool who keeps getting even the dimmest glimst of hope.
but the stupidity that is faced always makes it disappear.
when are they gonna realise..
& wake up.

so what was this post all about again..?
i have no effing clue. O.o||



SyidahAinVeeJr.; 6:21 AM

♫|Nostalgia| |Melancholy|♪